Over the past couple of months my boyfriend and I have been viewing houses to move to. While we were being shown the first house by the would be land lord, we were walking through the newly refinished kitchen. In this house the kitchen was the largest, grandest part of the house. I was happy to see that it had a new dishwasher included, and mentioned it as a plus to my boyfriend, as we do not have a dishwasher in our current place. The landlord chimed in by saying "Hey, now there are two dishwashers in the kitchen". I looked confused, and he nudged my boyfriend with his elbow laughing and looking at me, implying that I was the second dishwasher. We all got the joke and they guys laughed about it a bit. I played along to be pleasant, but did not find it that funny myself. We did not end up choosing that house.
Though I am the one who washes the dishes in our relationship, it is done out of circumstance. I did not like the idea that because I am the female, that "dishwasher" is part of my assumed duties. The joke was referring to the idea that it is part of a woman's role to do the housework like washing the dishes. The reading on Foucault talks a lot about his views on power. In this exchange it seemed to me that the potential land lord was trying to impose his power as a man over me as a woman, and even upon my boyfriend as an elder male over a younger male. Unfortunately my boyfriend saw the humor in the joke and laughed, and I did not protest the statement. In those ways we were allowing the potential land lord to create power in the exchange. But as Foucault was quoted as saying in the chapter "Where there is power, there is resistance" (1998: 95). We resisted any power he could of held over us by deciding not to do business with him.
Sometimes I wonder if women let men exercise power over them in a conversation when the man is in a position of authority or has leverage because the other person is a man, because of their position, or both?
just for kicks,
http://imgur.com/oGSwI
I think that this is a good example of male privilege. whats interesting to me is that he may have not been aware that he made an offensive comments due to people around him allowing him to get away with making comments as such. I think one of the issues when it comes to change is the accountability of others. We should be speaking out and letting people know, this is not ok because.... I think women allow men to have that power because they are men and its socially constructed to understand that the men is the head. However, my father would say things sometimes and my mother would let him talk in front of people but when they got home, IT WAS ANOTHER STORY. So I think its about picking and choosing when and when not to confront the issues.
ReplyDeleteInteresting! I do know that change won't happen unless gender assumptions are challenged -- privately and at least sometimes publicly. I challenge sexist comments (as well as racist and classist) fairly regularly and usually in public. I'm fairly sure that I would have called this real estate guy on his comment but, you are right, Diana, sometimes the context constrains an automatic response and I can't help but wonder how the male bonding thing creates an even stronger power imbalance than is frequent in our male-dominated society? When I was your age, men had a lot of psychological power over me as my gender identity was very stereotypical and it took a long time to deconstruct and then reconstruct an identity that communicated the power I had come to feel in, I hope, a positive way.
DeleteIt was very mature of you to not fly off the handle, I know some people who would have blew up at him the instant he made his comment. His mother was probably the one to always do the dishes so he just assumes that its a females duty to clean up after him, and remember, “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
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